Therapy experiences
- Mrs G came into therapy because she feared her behaviour was destroying her relationship. She and her partner had enjoyed an active sex life and experienced their life together as happy and satisfying until they started to live together. At this point, Mrs G lost interest in sex and became withdrawn although she still loved her partner. In therapy, Mrs G was able to explore her fears around emotional intimacy and commitment. Gradually she made the link between these and her experience of intimacy in her family where her mother’s intrusive interest in her personal life denied her any right to privacy. With her therapist, Mrs G was able to think about what made her feel uncomfortable now and how to talk about it with her partner. She came to realise that she had a choice in a way she did not have as a child. She could now notice when someone was being invasive and say something about it. By talking about things as she noticed them she found that it helped to stop tensions building up and supported the relationship.
- Mr J came into therapy because he had become very depressed over recent years and felt his life was very flat and restricted. In therapy he talked about his difficult relationship with his father and how his father’s depression and mood swings had left him, as a boy, alone and unsure of his father’s affection. By talking this through, Mr J was able to see the extent of his father’s problems more realistically. Mr J could then better understand how he blamed himself for his father’s tempers and withdrawal and believed there was something wrong with him. In time, Mr J was able to let go of his old beliefs that he was not good enough and that his father did not love him. Gradually, he developed a more secure sense of self and a confidence that he was loved.
- Mrs E had not been able to conceive and three IVF treatments failed. Then her mother died suddenly. Mrs E came to counselling therapy to deal with her overwhelming feelings of loss and her sense that she had failed as a woman. She and her counsellor were able to talk through her feelings that her life had come to an end. In time she was able to come to terms with not having her own children and the loss of her mother and start thinking about other options open to her. Mrs E and her partner are now in the process of adopting a little boy.
- Mr C was an extremely successful business person who seemed to have everything. However, in his personal relationship, he felt that he had no power to get what he wanted. He wished his relationship to continue but felt hopeless that it could incorporate his needs. In psychotherapy, Mr C was able to see how his desire to please his partner often took precedence over communicating what he wanted from her. Gradually he realised how anxious he was that if his partner was not kept happy then somehow she would not be interested in him. By finding out more about where this anxiety came from he started to feel freer to communicate his own needs to his partner. As a result he was able to go on and enjoy a more fulfilling relationship.
- Ms A had been adopted and had had a very harsh upbringing. It was difficult to see herself as someone who could be loved. She was very promiscuous in her teens and in her twenties, believing this was the only way to get the attention she craved. She came into psychotherapy because she was now in a loving relationship in which she seemed to do everything she could to drive her partner away. Ms A and her psychotherapist looked at what she wanted from the relationship and at the destructive behaviour that stopped her getting it. Gradually Ms A started to understand that part of her behaviour stemmed from her belief that she did not deserve her partner’s attention and love. In breaking free from this destructive belief Ms A learnt to accept herself as someone who did deserve to be happy and to be loved.
- Mr B had started a new job that he enjoyed but noticed that in meetings he could not easily speak his mind or share ideas. His promotion prospects depended on how he presented himself, yet he often felt nervous and panicky in situations he was usually quite confident in. He remembered that at university something similar had happened and a short course of counselling had helped so he sought counselling again. With his counsellor, he was able to explain how he felt about these meetings and come to realise the extreme pressure he put himself under to perform. In reality he had barely been in the job for five minutes. He badly needed time to settle down with people and get to know them and allow them to get to know him. Once he started to accept that he needed more time to respond, he was able to listen in meetings to what was being said and present himself in a more natural way.
Areas Our Counsellors Cover:
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